Yes K'naan...I'm Wavin' my Flag

i'm tired of feeling

Not really. I feel. I am a strong F. It is part of who I am and I embrace that...but I don't need to admit it every time I blog. So" i feel" has become "web and flow". My blog got a new name and a revamping at the same time. The other night I was talking to The Anthony Handal and I told him that I wanted to change my blog title but was having a hard time coming up with something different. He suggested "i slack the line" which is awesome because I do love to slackline but I thought this might represent me as a slacker and that is not so much what I want to be known for. So as I was thinking about slacklining: the word, the movement, the inner peace, the idea of ebb and flow came to mind and then the play on that idiom "web and flow" was conceived.

Ebb and Flow means to decrease and then increase, as with tides. I think this describes life - always growing, making mistakes and then growing again. This describes my life at least...cycles of learning and growing. Balancing those cycles and what they bring into your life is what keeps us sane and functional. Kindof like slacklining.

I am growing and changing.
I do love to slackline.
Welcome to my new blog...web and flow.

i feel...sweet

Why is it that when I have a sour attitude I think eating an excessive amount of sweet treats will somehow have a positive effect?

I had my forehead all scrunched in the frown position even after I stuffed my face with a piece of coffee cake and two cookies.

Why do our minds play these sorts of tricks on us sometimes? At least my mind figured out I needed a change of attitude.

i feel...vegetarian

I ate a McDonald’s Big Mac on the road trip home from school. It didn’t taste as good as I remembered. I think I know why…

I have always loved the flexibility that not labeling myself a vegetarian provides…probably more than the actual eating of meat itself. Not being a vegetarian means that I don’t feel judged as a religious freak or a hippie tofu lover (what a lot of the world thinks of vegetarians). Those misconceptions of vegetarians can't get in the way then. Being vegetarian has just always seemed more inconvenient to me. I felt like I could connect with others (my friends that aren’t Adventists, people I randomly meet that aren’t vegetarian, and those I run into while traveling who don’t find vegetarianism even applicable). When I was in Egypt for a year, not being a vegetarian meant that when I was invited over to a student’s home, I didn’t offend their family when they offered me their best – meat. (Egyptians don’t understand vegetarians at all) I also didn’t get sick. Which was a definite plus of not being vegetarian.

But…convenience and flexibility should not run my life.

Meat has never been a staple of my diet. It has always been the “occasional.” When I was young, Mom would fix beef stew, chicken patties or salmon once and awhile and ordering meat when we ate out was an option. We were mostly a loaves, pasta, fruits and veggies kind of family who did enjoy their Thanksgiving Turkey and the occasional carnivorous consumption.

But…being vegetarian is socially responsible…oh darn. I feel a change coming.

I watched Food, Inc.–good idea/bad idea? For sure good, but bad because that movie is a world rocker –life changes are included in the extra features! Am I ready for the information that I gleaned? I want to be.

I HATED what I saw:

•American Greed

•Capitalism at its Worst

•Mistreatment of animals & Human Workers

•Government working for big business instead of what is right.

•Monopolies doing DIRTY deals to kick the little guys in the shins and rub their power in everyone’s faces (P.S. We HATE Monsanto)

But…[sigh]…don’t get overwhelmed Jess…stay passionate, stay compassionate.

This is where I wish I could return to my old familiar soapbox. “Flexibility is key, being a vegetarian is inconvenient!” It is familiar, it supported me well, it meant I didn’t have to change. But…change is good. Right? It is...when it is coupled with intellectual and spiritual growth. When it is backed by thought and logic. When the voice inside your head won’t shut up. :)

I read the book Rich Christians in and Age of Hunger by Ronald Sider awhile ago and it started or continued a lot of the thought processes I have been having about life, resources, stewardship, and corporate social responsibility. I went back and read a section about how being a carnivore is very UNsocially responsible.

“The demand for cheap beef by wealthy North Americans and Europeans also contributes to tropical deforestation. In Brazil and Central America alone, 15,000 square kilometers per year of forest are cleared for cattle ranching. Much of this cleared land is used to grow exports for the developed world. Tragically, this is the least effective use of rain forests.” (pg. 156)

He goes on to explain that deforestation because of land being used for cattle kills all the nutrients found in the soil, kills even the most aggressive and hardy of grasses and leads to even more deforestation when the grass has been all eaten up.

Then another issue is brought up. The questions are asked…

“Why do countries ravaged by famine export food? Why do poor nations today sell vast quantities of food to rich nations while many of their own people are malnourished or starving?”

“The reason that countries with many hungry people willingly export food to wealthy nations is that the poor people in those nations do not have the money to pay for the food, and we do…They send us cotton, beef, coffee, bananas, or other agricultural products…The system favors the wealthy, and the poor suffer.”

“The story of beef provides a striking example. In the 1950s, almost all beef slaughtered in Central America was eaten locally. Then in 1957 the first beef-packing plant approved by the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) was built. By the late 1970s, three-fourths of Central America’s beef was exported. By 1978, Central America provided the U.S. with 250 million pounds of beef a year. U.S.–backed development programs built roads and provided credit to facilitate the expansion of beef exports. From 1960 to 1980, over one-half of all the loans made by the World Bank and the Inter-American Development Bank for agricultural and rural development in Central America went to promote the production of beef for export.” (pg 160-162)

“…By 1980, one-half of all El Salvador’s beef was going to the U.S.–and 65 percent of the rural households were landless.”

“…The national security forces trained by the U.S. often used repressive tactics, including torture and murder, to put down peasant protesters.”

“…the poor suffered to produce cheap hamburgers for American consumers.”

No wonder my hamburger didn’t taste as good as I remembered it once tasting. Mistreatment doesn’t taste good. Profit without a heart doesn’t taste good. Pain and poverty doesn’t taste good either. Ketchup and a Special Sauce can’t hide what is hidden underneath anymore.

i feel...graduated

The car was packed. The goodbyes were said. Then I passed the Southern Sign and then Brock Hall for the last time and I lost it. The tears came. It had finally hit me...I finally felt graduated.

This last week or two has been emotional. But a submerged kind of emotional. All the fun and packing and cleaning and then all that repeated has kind of kept the inevitable under wraps. The inevitable being saying goodbye to everything comfortable and lovely and familiar. Oh Southern…I have to take back my heart now.

i feel...enriched

Music that made my year better:

K'naan

Ingrid Michaelson

Paper Planes (M.I.A.)

Greg Laswell

The Kin

Sigur Ros

Rock & Roll (Eric Hutchinson)

Ratatat

Jonsi

The Weepies

Josh Radin

Owl City

Rooney

I Wish (Skee-Lo)

i feel...affected

I made my bucket list this last week. Jenn Porter made it an assignment and we all know I am too darn anal about getting assignments done. Now granted she gave the assignment like two months ago, but me and procrastination spend way too much time together so that is where we will direct the blame.

Why did Jenn give this assignment to me you may ask…well here is the story. (If you just want to look through my bucket list then skip to the bottom)

High School was Cari, Jess, Jenn and Erin. Four of the coolest, most talented, deepest thinking, forgiving and beautiful girls you have ever met in your entire life. They knew my heart and my soul better than I even knew it myself. They challenged my ideals, standards and spirituality in a way that made me grow instead of retreat. They loved me for who I was and not what I was. We all had different passions, different talents and different Christian denominations as our foundations…but none of that mattered to them or to me. In fact it made us the women we are today - the strong, independent thinking, communicators that we have become. Oh the memories we share. When graduation day came and we said our good-byes as we all headed off to different parts of the country to study different things and gain new and different experiences and perspectives, we told each other that we would be friends forever. And we have been…in what has been of forever so far.

Jenn has graduated and is now pouring out her passion for people while working with Non-Profits all over the country. She spent time in Costa Rica which opened her eyes to the finer points of Communisim and therefore led her to search out the aspects of her faith that were real and deep. Jenn is tall and confident but sometimes naïve. She has realized that her sweetness, love for adventure, and willingness to serve are attractive to the boys around her. She has become more careful in a way that shows her maturity and concern for her brothers in Christ.

Cari is pure genius. Grad school has kept her busy for a few years now. Intelligent, beautiful and quirky are the perfect words to describe Cari. She made us watch classic Hitchcock at sleepovers, taught us how to play every game ever and showed us that being a woman of character includes having a mind that thinks deeply. Her time in Croatia took her to new experiences that stretched her. She is also tall with curly brown hair and wit that catches you off guard and instantly has you laughing. Logical, honest, kind…with a perspective on the world that sends you deep into thought.

Jess is a music teacher now in a small town in Iowa. She found the small town atmosphere confining at first but has learned to see it for what it does have and not for what it doesn’t. This is Jess’ way…she accepts and moves on taking one step at a time instead of getting overwhelmed with what she can’t control. Music has always been her passion…she sang in madrigals, toured Europe with her college choir and has always been the musical library that we turn to. Jess loves teaching and loves her kids. She has found her passion and a way to serve too. She told me once that she can now understand exactly why God disciplines His children…it is because He loves them. Beauty and brains is a stellar combo and Jess has both in spades.

Erin has a heart for service. The mission field has her number. She is the only one married and the only one with kids too. We all knew she would be the first one to take that plunge. She is an adorable mother and adds a really interesting perspective to the mix. Erin is tiny…petite but energetic with a heart of gold and a mind that is always thinking. Sometimes Erin gets stressed but that is when her smile is the biggest and her laughter is the most contagious. Determination has always been part of Erin. One summer she painted a whole barn all by herself. I have watched that spirit grow into something that has a palpable purpose. She now heads straight into situations that would have made her uncomfortable before and has a Faith in God that inspires me. Soon she will be half way around the world doing good things and expanding her skill set even further.

These ladies have helped me become the woman I am today. They have been my friends, my confidants and my soul sisters. They inspire me to be more, to do more, to live more deeply and more fulfilling. We laugh, we discuss and we play. And we want to continue to be part of each others lives even though miles and miles separate us. That is why we send around the journal. We receive an assignment, we tell what is up in our lives and then we send an assignment on to the next friend. Assignments not to stress out, but to encourage, inspire, or relax each other. This is a rockin way to keep in touch. Really fun. Really rewarding. Really meaningful.

Jenn sent me the assignment to climb to the top of something and write my bucket list. We share similar dreams and passions and she knows how busy life gets and how dreams and passions often get put on the back burner while everyday life takes up time and energy. She wanted me to stop for a moment and reprioritize. To dream for a second and write it down so I can remember. Thanks Jenn…

Now I want to share it with other to help me stay accountable to myself.

Jessi's Bucketlist…in no particular order of course

• Work with a socially responsible company
• Pet a cheetah
• Adopt children from around the world
• Recycle
• Learn to play an instrument
• Learn to cook…well
• Help someone…do aid work
• Play Bridge with old men in a nursing home
• Learn to pack light
• Travel the world with a purpose
• Own a manual car
• Go to grad school for something I am passionate about
• Practice true religion daily…care for orphans and widows
• Grow basil – make my own pesto
• Flourish on my own!
• Prioritize volunteering into my life
• Fight for ethical advertising
• Work with microfinancing in a 3^rd world country
• Be kind when it is most difficult
• Live in the center of God’s will

Picking good friends is so important. These high school girl as well as the college friends I have chosen to spend time with have changed my life in good ways. I have grown and that is excellent. This bucket list would not be what it is without the influences of others who have inspired. Now hopefully I can inspire myself to make this bucket list more than just words. Action is now required.

Get Going Jessi.